This piece is what I would consider philosophical. Shaun David Hutchinson wrote Defying Definition, a great work of writing. Inspired, I took his format, selected some of my defining qualities in the same way he did, and re-wrote his masterpiece in relation to myself. I strongly recommend reading his work as well.
I have six pairs of chucks. I've got plain red ones that I rarely find outfits to match with, light pink ones that I don't wear too often, but when I do they make me happy, high top bright blue ones that were gifted to me, tye-dye blue high top ones that ended up with odd mustard-colored stains on them, and a pair of deep brown ones with gold and white accents. I love those shoes, and I wear them everywhere.
I am not, however, converse.
I am a writer. I spend most days constantly writing, clacking away on my keyboard, or scraping my pen in my journal. Even when I'm at school, I find ways to write. Whether I'm heavily annotating my books between classes or working on the school newspaper publications, I'm always writing. Over the past few years, I've written a multitude of short stories and novel drafts, personal pieces alongside my fictional worlds. I love to write.
I am not, however, my stories.
Every time school goes on break, I dream of a new destination. Short distances, long distances, anywhere away from home. It's not that I don't love my home, but instead, I seek adventure…and the mountains. I dream day and night of my next journey, even if it may seem boring. After the "next journey" becomes the previous journey, I write about it in remembrance.
I am not, however, a destination.
As I grew older, tension seemed to take over. Anxiety would come with it. There'd be major episodes - panic attacks, and minor ones, which weren't so bad compared to the others. Some days I'm not stressed at all, but there's always the lingering feeling of being on edge. Even with all of this, I try to remain optimistic, pushing away the stressful mindset, and I create a shield that protects me from myself. I have come to accept that I will deal with the stress my whole life, but I have also realized that I can do things to better myself and make it less extreme.
I am not, however, tension.
Stress does not define me. Were I to make a list of all the words I, or others, might use to describe me, it might include: "weird," "imaginative," "lonely," "creative," and "stressed." Those are simply different skins that I wear, different faces that people see when they review me. Depending on the time of day or whether I've had enough coffee or if I'm behind in school, whether I'm seen through a screen or in person, a million people might walk away with an entirely different set of words they'd use to describe me. And while all those words might be helpful in recording my behavior in specific situations, they would not and could not define me completely. Because we define terms…words, not people.
Click here to read Shaun David Hutchinson's original Defying Definition.
Ⓒ Charlize Andrews 2022
Comments